It’s hard out there for a Pimp…

…then again I’m not a pimp, so really, what do I know?

Well I do know that striking up a conversation with a pretty girl on the bus is one of the hardest thing to do in the world.

I used to take public transit all the time and this is something I’d run into on a daily basis…

My thought process when I’m on the bus, listening to music, and an attractive random girl walks on to the bus:

“…the loner stoner seems to fr-WHOA! Hello. What’s your name gurrrrl? Oh shit she’s walking this way. Look out the window. Please sit next to me. Please sit next to me. Please sit next to me. Dammit she sat behind me. Ok. Now I can’t look behind me at her unless I have a good reason. Oh look there’s advertising on the roof. Looking around at all of them…oh I can go back to college you say? I should shop at McDonalds Home Hardware, eh? Seems interesting. Ok continuing to browse, now I’m browsing in her direction ok I’m about to look at her… Oh snap she was looking at me. Fuck, look forward! Ok now she knows you’re trying to look at her. If you look at her again and she’s still looking at you then it’s no problem to go talk to her, but if she’s looking away then it’s a lost cause. Ok I’m going for it…ok, not bad, she WAS looking but she kinda had a constipated look on her face. I’m going for it anyway. Ok what am I going to say? “Hi, do you have the time?” Nah, too lame. “Hey, I’m Cameron, where are you headed?” A bit better. “Nice shoes wanna fuck?” That’s it! I’m going with that. Ok, here I go……anytime now……on your mark, get set, GO! Why am I still sitting here? Oh yeah cause I’m a pussy. A big ol’ pussy. No. Not today, I’m getting up and going over there. HOLY SHIT, I’m standing up! Now what? I’m moments from pissing myself. Alright slowly turn around, not too slow though. Yeah that was a good turn, she’ll like that turn I just did….wait…where’d she go? Where the hell am I? I missed my stop! Like 10 stops ago. Shit. Just chill and wait for the end of the route. Oh Hey girl, where you headin’? Shit, she’s walking over here…”

Yeah I tend to over think things.

Like this dude that gets my “Dumbass seal of DIS-approval.”

Just look at him!

Nah, that’s not “dumbass” enough.

Much better.

This guy had the great idea to try to impress a pretty girl by telling her he had poison gas (which was actually just a BIC lighter), which at first I thought was a great pick-up line. But then I read he did this on a plane! And then I reconsidered…

Yes, in these times of terror this guy wanted to intimidate a 23-year-old girl into join the “Mile high” club with him. Now he didn’t say he was a terrorist, matter fact he told her he was a US Marshall and that she’s totally safe.

Except for he was drunk and she obviously knew that the only people who are drunk on airplanes are idiots and pilots (ZING!).

Now this girl, being the Jane Bonds that she is, played along long enough to get comfy with him and excused herself to washroom where she left her iPhone with a note that read:

“”If the guy in 20D is a marshal disregard this msg,” she typed. “He has a torch that he lit and showed me. And he said his canister has a gas device that will make everyone on the plane pass out if there is danger. He also has a device that says is like a Taser. I will go sit back down. Do what you need to.”

Can you believe that? I couldn’t. I mean who would just leave their iPhone out in the open like that!

Pft, some people…


There are more details but I’m tired of copying and pasting so you can read the full story here…

So men, when you see a pretty girl and you want to try and make a move without looking like a jackass; don’t do what I do. You have a better chance of telling the girl you have poison gas, I mean at least she humored him for a little while.


About cameronchase420

Hey I'm Cameron and I hate Ketchup, obviously. I also like to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and rap. I'm from Calgary but lived in Ontario for the most of my life. I now live in a little town called Wingham, oh you haven't heard of Wingham? Strange. Aaaaanyways, enough about me. Go read my shit. View all posts by cameronchase420

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