They say “You don’t know how stupid a person is until they speak”…well I say “You don’t know how stupid someone is until you see how they handle driving in the snow.”
It happens every winter; snow falls and everyone loses it.
Before I get to far into this little rant of mine I’m going to point out that I hate winter driving a lot, for many reasons, that’s why I avoid it at all costs. So much so that I actually took my car of the road, of course saving 400 dollars a month is also a nice bonus. I figure I live in a town that it would only take you 20 minutes to WALK across town, twice, and still be able to stop to grab a slice of za. I live a block away from work and the radio station I work at is nice enough to allow me to use the station vehicle to do my grocery shopping every couple of weeks. So what’s the point of keeping my car on the road in this one horse town…which is ironic cause this town has a shit load of horses.
Besides, I had my car on the road last spring, and we all know what happened then….
I don’t trust the drivers in this town.
As far as I can tell there are two types of dumbass drivers in this town. The women 4 feet and under and guys 6 feet and over.
Somehow, the short women of this town all managed to find a husband that works construction, or something along those lines, because they all drive trucks bigger than my college apartment. Which is confusing….if you’re not tall enough to see over the steering wheel than why don’t you drive a smaller car or at least get a fuckin booster seat, and stop trying to maneuver a parallel park…you know you’re going to just go back and forth until you give up and drive away, leaving the rest of traffic waiting while you’re humoring yourself.
Now the only thing worse than an over precautionary woman driver are the assholes that don’t realize the rest of the towns drivers don’t take Hummers or other similar dick-compensating, 4 wheel vehicles to go for a Timmies run. For example, nice lady driving kids to school on a snowy morning. Some douche comes driving up, passes the lady and scares the shit out of her and her kids. Of course that lady isn’t going to cruise at mach 5 while the roads are slick, but all this douchebag is thinking is “Move… bitch, get out the way, get out the way, bitch, get out the way”
That was a Ludacris lyrics before….jus incase you were wondering why there’s a picture of him there…
Of course that story sometimes has a happy ending, with the douche having to shovel out 300 hundred dollars to get dragged out of the ditch. All the while the lady safely passes the douche and makes it to her destination in time for her kids to play in the snow in the playground…
And now to discuss the positive things that winter brings us…
Snow angels…peeing in the snow.
Fully clothed fat people? I can’t think of a third one…
I remember I used to like winter a lot more, but I think I was 12 and lived across the street from the number 1 tobogganing hill in the town between ages 10-16. Which eventually came the number one taboozing destination between ages 17-18.
That’s the third thing.
By the way, if you were a loser in high school and wasn’t invited ever to go tabazooing or if you just didn’t go because “it was too cold” than you’re not only a loser but also a little bit of a bitch. Basically Taboozing is where you and your friends (or friend…or just you) will go get shittered and fall down a hill. Kind of like what Western girls do at Jim Bobs on a Friday night, except replace the hill with stairs.
Looks kinda like this…
Ahh, Western girls….oh how I’ve missed ye.
So in closing; winter = good
winter drivers = cautionary
dumbass winter driver = one notch below Ketchup…
And that’s saying something.
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