Death is like sex in high school; if you knew how many times you missed it, you’d be paralyzed.
We’ve all encountered a lot of situations where the outcome could have, very easily, been death. It might have been that one time you were close to side swiping a guy on the high way when you didn’t check your blind spot but corrected yourself at the last second…that could have turned out bad. And how bout that one time you used a fork to get that last piece of your pop tart out of the toaster, oh shit you almost forgot to unplug it, dumbass….
Remember last month when the rapture was supposed to happen…
Although it was (most likely) not going to happen; there were probably a ton of idiots people who thought it was actually coming.
(Yeah, and my bank account was drained from Y2K.)
These people thought the world was coming to an end and I’m sure some of them probably thought they weren’t going to make the cut.
Which made me think: “What would I do with One Day to Live?”
6:00AM – Sleep
7:00AM – Sleep
9:46AM- Fart/Roll Over
10:55AM- Wake up and run to McDonalds to catch Breakfast.
11:15AM- Begin 45 minute poop
NOON- Hit the bong like Cheech and Chong
12:06PM- Begin playing Xbox
12:26PM- Realize my Xbox is still broke ad that I’ve been staring at a black TV screen for 20 minutes.
2:00PM- Grab Coffee
2:30PM- Remember what I was doing that day.
3:00PM- Go find the love of my life, tell her the worlds ending.
4:10PM- Tell her I was just kidding; she gets pissed and leave….mission accomplished.
4:20PM- Enjoy the worlds last 4/20 with a Tri-Joint.
4:21PM- Cough balls off for half hour.
4:51PM- Head home to say goodbye to family members.
7:51PM- Hug Mom/Sister, Have a beer with Dad/Brother and walk the dog.
9PM- Go to watch the Sunset.
9:15PM- Realize the sun went down an hour (Shit I really wanted to see one)
9:30PM- Watch the Sunset screen saver on my computer.
9:40PM- Watch “Ferris Buller’s Day off” with family.
11:13PM- Become Disappointed.
Midnight- RAPTURED….Oh Hey Mr. Savage.
“The purpose of life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave with a well-preserved body, but rather to slide in ass first, completely used up, yelling and screaming, FUCK YEAH!”